We’re facing life after the wedding already?

We all know how the wedding day can be magical. It brings a couple together surrounded by family and friends to pledge their hearts and futures, filled with love, romance, family, happiness, adventure and the kind of togetherness they both know they will be able to count on and give to one another no matter what the future holds.

Their eyes meet, the room is hushed, he kisses his bride and everyone in the room can almost physically feel the extraordinary joy in couple’s hearts. Ah! So why would ANYONE think THIS kind of magic could fade?

Well, that is what I wanted to know because while talking with newlyweds I found out that the rate of this kind of magic disappearing right after the wedding seemed outrageous and completely unnecessary.

And since the main purpose of Cherries Over Quicksand books is to keep marriages and families together and happy, I was on the case.

During my global research for my books I met many newly marrieds who were ready to run, but then suddenly remembered how they couldn’t wait to be a loving spouse and would have been devastated if the proposal had not led to planning their lives together.

Many of these, anxious newly un-singles, were super happy they woke up and stopped acting like their NEW spouse was the LUCKY one, the minute they found their suitcases packed and waiting for them at the door, Phew! Just in time! LOL! And now have wonderful marriages. Thank God. Ahh! But seriously…

The stories of post marriage attitude changes turning completely negative, with the new husband or wife already calling friends and family to voice their panicked concerns that they, “Should have never gotten married!” within weeks of the honeymoon were racking up! BUT Then I met other newlyweds who still melted each other like hot fudge on French vanilla ice cream… well into the second year; “So what’s up with that?” I wondered out loud, and married people were happy to give me their surprise revelations.

Is it possible all newlyweds have the potential to not only, have an enchanting honeymoon but also have romances, just like yummy hot fudge sundaes forever? Mmmm… Hot fudge, I’m getting hungry. LOL!!

First so you know, this is such a secretive subject that when people tell me about their secret wish that their shiny new spouse would INSIST on living in separate apartments or that the first week of their marriage was like being trapped on a hamster wheel in a hall of mirrors, then complained that No one could EVER imagine the marriage chaos they have been bravely enduring… I understood.  But I couldn’t help thinking back as they complained/explained their nightmare dilemma’s.

My mind would return to, the military bases where I spoke with soldiers and the families of returning soldiers dealing with all kinds marriage and family issues due to war, or to homeless shelters where I spoke with people that have met with the kinds of marriage devastation no one could ever expect, and to hospice facilities where some people in their last days wanted to share how they wished they had cherished the romance they could have had with their spouse… And when I was working in Family Law firms where I met Heartbroken people, completely devastated, trying to define the pain in their hearts. So I did not have to imagine, I knew many hard facts… but through it all, I knew even the Most Chaotic stories can end in the Most heroic happy marriages Ever!

So what do the Average newlywed chaos stories include?

They include but are not limited to:

Newlyweds with sleepwalking in-laws that moved in with them their first year of marriage. Newlyweds that had adopted each other’s very “Active” children and had been added to the DON’T ANSWER lists of every babysitter. Couples that have lost their jobs, moved to a city where they didn’t know anyone, had major health issues, crashed their car, grew out of their cloths because they had replaced their sex lives with giant drive-thru banquets … or had come home to find way too many rescued cats living in their bathroom… and THEY still stayed completely IN LOVE! So how do they do it? These are nine popular answers:

  1. The Ladies said to, remember to continue to listen and genuinely admire your man, and express appreciation in full sincere sentences or better, Full body contact ladies. ;D
  2. When a woman gets dressed up or on any day she’s looking fresh, her man should Still compliment her even After they are married! Sorry, guys but you need to be reminded!
  3. Sexual attraction is mostly mental, if he starts leaving his underwear in front of the toilet right where he took them off then she steps over his not-so-whitey-tighties to do her lady-business with the bathroom door open… big surprise:  The sexual attraction is going to fade… (And no pretending you didn’t know… this Should be Obvious everyone!)  So if you do any of the stinky things on the “Men’s or Ladies Don’t do list” continued in the next Cherries Over Quicksand (this list of requests were collected directly from the people that wish their partner would be sexy again)… just stop doing those crazy things and get your romance power back before they can’t shake image of you spitting on your own foot and wiping it on the dog. Ew! It happens!
  4. Men and ladies, Married does not equate to ANTIQUE… you must keep touching… with that sexy touch you used before the marriage and appreciate it when your partner touches you. Passion and sex is relationship glue so smooth any cracks regularly and frequently. That’s right! And make each other smile, Big!
  5. She watched sports with him before the wedding; but now (like many men complained), she turns off his sports and demands dinner at the table every single night! Boo!…. Family time is important but, She could sometimes do something like find a nearby college playing his favorite sport, buy the $7 tickets and surprises him then watches him smile, because his New wife Rocks! Then at the game say, “YES to hotdogs!” No cooking or dishes! Yea!
  6. If he took her out for fun dates before they were married he should continue to want and Offer to take her out… if her eyes light up … he just made big points. A man wanting to show off his wife makes her heart sore through the clouds. It just does guys. If money is an issue, just get outside; go for a walk in the fresh air or even in the rain if that’s something she likes! Just have fun together! Even if she chooses to enjoy the night at home alone with him, he still made Huge Man Points for letting her know that he still loves to show off his bride.
  7. Before getting married, go to some sort of pre-marriage counseling to go over the many surprise changes that happen after marriage because you both need to be sure you will be on the same cheer squad when that stick turns to blue-baby boy triplets blue.   That way you already know you both will be lovingly and Politely taking turns sleeping for the next two years; so cute. Ah! Yawn. LOL!! Babies are Adorable. (I have twin boys so I know… and they already graduated high school. Happy mom!) When you are sure about your love, there should not be any fear of the “Big Hairy Counselor LOL! …Or just scary counselor”… people are so afraid! Just keep holding hands… because marriage can be magical with all the tools.
  8. Path to boring: Acting jealous, fighting over who replaces the toilet paper roll or where to squeeze the toothpaste. If it bugs you that much get your own tube of toothpaste and realize that; a new roll of toilet paper already replaced is super appreciated by your other half, (silently cheering from their seat).  “It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3)                                                                                          [And you Know this is true for men, women and children, so just keep being awesome.]
  1. Spend fun time together at least a few times a week from the very Beginning with refreshments and fresh air… but not necessarily at the same time, relax. When you seed a lawn you must water and it needs sunshine but you can water it at night and let the sun bring that energy to the day. …Metaphors are fun.

These points are for extra credit… and for a little chuckle:

  1. Give each other space. Living with someone all of a sudden can feel a little claustrophobic… especially the fifth time one trips over the other sitting right out side the bathroom door. Not good
  2. Go ahead and use words to make him feel physically BIGGER and her feel physically smaller than her man. With romance women love to feel like they have a powerful man but in a protective way and men like to know she wants the feminine role, even if she is doing her Ninja moves in her new lingerie, he still wants his obvious man-muscles admired.
  3. Lastly for today: Cherish your man or woman with loving understanding like every thought you have about each other will be Broadcasted on HUGE Billboard… because when you Honor each other in your hearts and heads, It shows in your eyes and in your touch. When something disappointing happens, approach the problem with Understand, not Grand-standing. Then if you do end up on a billboard, you will be wearing a well-earned crown.

So… do your pre-wedding homework and remember, flirting with each other after marriage is hot, be thankful for each other, treat Her like the beautiful woman you married and ladies… adore your hot Man! And kiss a lot!! It’s mandatory and baffles other married couples! LOL!! Just kidding. It will inspire other married couples.

Congratulations newlyweds, there are more hints in Cherries Over Quicksand, I look forward to hearing from you here, on Facebook or on the Love Bites with Rhonda and Jon Show comment board! And that’s it for today. ;D

XOXO!

Rhonda Ricardo

Media: For “Love Coach” print, script or broadcast -Dating, Engagement, Wedding, Marriage, Family, Relationship and Romance content you are welcome to contact Rhonda Ricardo at: rhondaricardo@hotmail.com.

Extra: Marriage findings from Woman’s Day Magazine link:  The 10 Most Fascinating Marriage Findings…

Speaking to the troops 1

I love speaking to the troops and their spouses about keeping families together by taking care to guard each other’s hearts and having that loving bond that lets their deployed husband or wife know that they are cherished at home… and I love giving away Cherries Over Quicksand books for the best “Hoorah!” yell.  We have fun!  (This is one of my favorite pictures with Welcome Home Troops and some amazing soldiers volunteering for the day, at an event at Lake Elsinore.)

I’ll never forget another event, when I spoke at a Camp Pendleton on the beach and we (me and the two lady comedians) found out that we had to walk about a quarter-mile in the sand to get to the stage.  I was wearing a cute skirt and Betty Grable high heals.  Instead of approaching the watchful crowd with the usual light dance in my step… my feet and shoes kept disappearing into the soft sand.  The three of us ladies couldn’t help but giggle at how we must have looked to the crowd as we struggled to the stage, smiling like nothing was wrong.

 

 

When we finally made it to the stage, a soldier took my hand with caring concern, then said in a charming but loud southern drawl, “We didn’t know if you were going to make it Mam!”

All four of us were laughing now, as he helped us pull ourselves onto the stage, then the audience joined in our laughter.  Our unplanned hilarious approach had set the stage for a fabulous day.

That afternoon we were lucky enough to experience one of those surprise crazy life moments that made a u-turn… right into a blessing.

I wonder what would have happened if we had just laid down in the sand… maybe they would have sent the rescue team to get us?   Ah!

We decided that Embarrassing is Good right? lol!!

I would like to thank our troops, on this Memorial Day, for their service and caring hearts.

God bless you-all!

LINK: 5 Minute Love Bites With Rhonda Ricardo. Will you marry me?

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“Will you marry me?”  When it the perfect timing to get the joy-filled “YES” that will lead to a wonderfully romantic married-life adventure together!  I conducted massive research on this question and received ULTRA honest feedback that people wanted me to share NOW… and I did… on the Show and in my next book!…. I’m writing two more chapters of the next Cherries Over Quicksand today AND Show Host Jon Hansen pre-recorded more 5 Minute Love Bites with Me here in California…. while he’s in Canada … and he stayed on the air at the end of the shows to add to the fun! Great day!!! I’m learning how to post these blogs with more componants and it’s asking for a quote so here I go: “Cherries Over Quicksand: Sharing ways to keep romance, passion and humor in relationships to help build strong and happy families” ;D

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